The voice of emotions conveyed on a wave length inbound for the soul.


For weeks my heart has been hurting. For weeks I’ve cried over a woman I wanted to marry. I left her because I felt as though I had put in everything I could possible put in. Alone in the recesses of my mind I knew she was the one for me. I knew I wanted to marry this woman. I knew I loved this woman. I told her I hated her, when in reality I hated what she had done to me. She took away my wedding. She took away my a happiest day. She took away my love. I didn’t know how to react. Hell, I still don’t know how to react. I went to jail for a week an a half (another story) and I came home to an empty house. It hurt so much. It felt like I got hit by a truck. I cried for this woman every night for almost a week. I cried for this woman so much that I ran out of tears. I felt like I was making the biggest mistake of my life. But it’s been almost three weeks and I haven’t talked to her. The last words I said to her were “I love you,” from a jail cell. I got out and I’ve had nightmares ever since. I can’t sleep, I barely eat, and when I’m alone all I can do is think about where my life is headed, being alone forever. 

I came to the realization that me and her weren’t meant for each other. For her to care more about herself, and find out who she is, she had to care less about me. I know that sounds like a weird concept but that’s the conclusion I came to. So I take this pain and I try and accept it. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt any less. Some nights I sit in my living room where she used to sit and I just remember the good times. Sometimes I argue with myself as if she’s still there. People tell me all the time, time heals all wounds, well this time ain’t passing fast enough. I met a young lady in my class that I have a crush on. It’s not helping because I see the things that I could have. I try and be patient knowing that God has a plan for me. I try and pray every day that God does right by her. Whenever the pain becomes to unbearable, I ask God to take it away. I give it all to him. I pray to help me make it another hour, to help me get through another day. Sometimes it feels like I’m surrounded by happy couples making the best of their relationships. Happily in love. Almost like their rubbing it in my face. I have to remember that they are just in… Love. It’s a beautiful thing. My friends tell me that everything will be okay. That it will all work out and that the break-up was the best thing that could have happened. I sit in silence and pretend like I’m listening. I’ll acknowledge what they are saying just to move the conversation along. I don’t think they realize how much it hurts. Still I sit here and write this hoping it helps. Hoping one day someone will read this and know that they weren’t the only ones going through something like this. Even when it feels like you are because the people you’ve surrounded yourself with aren’t going through it, someone in this world is. My only advice right now. Time heals all hopefully. You never forget this kind of love. You never forget this kind of pain, and you secretly pray inside yourself for the day you will wake up and feel better. You pray that everything will work itself out. But no one can tell you when. You think that maybe another relationship is right around the corner, but the truth is your really not ready. Your still an open book, and depending on how well you hide your pain, someone somewhere will find out eventually. The good people accept you for it. The bad ones walk away from it. Love is a game, and it’s not a game. Love will get you hurt. It will cause you more pain then any physical injury, and take twice as long to heal. I’ll close by saying the one truth that I know. If your in a relationship with someone and you want to make it work, then do everything you can to make it work. If that means going to counseling, then go. If that means trying new things that are uncomfortable to you, then at least trying. Communicate, communicate, and communicate. Love like no one else is watching. Smile like the only one that can see you is the other person. Give them your all, regardless of what others think. Make your own choice to walk away. And be at peace if you walk away knowing that you put your all into the relationship. Friends will try and persuade you to do what they think is best because they’re on the outside looking in. Family will try and persuade you because they are on the outside looking in. I’m not saying don’t listen to them, but know in your heart that the decisions you make regarding YOUR relationship are the decisions you came to on your own. 

It’s funny the things we do for our loved ones to show them a happy place, time, or memory. Sometimes it gets difficult, especially after they are gone. So today I want to take a moment out of my day to acknowledge all the parents that are looking down from heaven at their children. Their light is something that will continously bless their loved ones. For those of us still here on this earth, we pray for their safe keeping. We pray they are happy. We pray that they are in a better place. The father has called them home and they are in eternal happiness. 

Still sometimes, I walk through life and see all the things that I’ve accomplished and I know that my mothers would be proud of the things that I have done. They are still here on this earth but that doesn’t mean we are connected like we should be. I know they don’t love me any less for the choices that I’ve made, for the fires that I’ve had to walk through. I choose in my own way to walk away, and to find my own path, to find my own family. My heart still weeps for them inside. There is nothing more special then a mother’s love. (Except maybe your wife’s love.) Still love is love and as long as you can get it from some source. Cherish it while it is still here. Once there gone, you’ll find this song and you’ll be saying, “I wish you were….”

…For me.


“Delete her number. Stop ringing her. Stop messaging her. Stop making excuses to see her, to drop by her place. Erase her name from memory. Remove yourself from her life, more completely than you would like but as completely as she deserves. Move on, so that you can allow her to also move on. When you close your eyes, you don’t get to see her face. Not anymore. You don’t get to think about her lips, the warm glow of her skin when she rests next to you, or how she squeezes your hand in her sleep. You are not allowed to remember the smell of her perfume, that she only drinks mint tea (with two dollops of honey), or that she loves you. She loves you. She has been in love with you for too long. So, forget how she says your name. Forget how she calls your name. Forget how she screams your name. Forget that time you got sick and she stayed up with you all night, letting you lay your head in her lap and holding a cold compress to your forehead. Forget how her hair feels in your fingers. Forget how she looks in your sweatshirts. Forget her. Know only that she existed at one point in your life, but relinquish all hope that she could exist at another point — sometime in the future that you are unwilling to specify because you don’t know what you want. Yet. It is not fair for you to swoop in and out of her life as you choose. It is not fair for you to say that you are satisfied with “things as they are” and you will have time to “figure it out” later. Let her stop investing emotionally in you. Let her pour that love and care into the people who deserve her. Don’t tell her that you think about her all the time. Don’t tell her that it bothers you to hear about her with other people, but that you’re willing to understand as long as she likes you more than them. Don’t tell her that this isn’t the right moment but that there will be a right moment. There is not going to be a right moment. She shouldn’t have to wait for the right moment. Don’t tell her that you can’t handle ultimatums, that you don’t like the idea of finally adding finality to your relationship — whatever still remains of it. What you are telling her is that you want to keep her on as an option, that you are taking her for granted, that you want to know she will be there, that you can depend on her at the end of the day. When you find that no one else has stuck around or that those who have are less interesting, less thoughtful, or less doggedly loyal to you. Doggedly loyal to you. That is what she has been to you, for you almost as long as you have known her: a constant emotional crutch, the guarantee of stability, a safety net while you reach out to grasp objects that sparkle and shine far greater than she does. All that glitters is not gold, haven’t you heard? She is fire. You are ice, and you are afraid that her slow burn will smolder your cool, hard demeanor. That’s what has driven your decisions, your actions all along: fear. You are a coward. You are a hypocrite. You are terrified to let her go, but you are afraid she is too good for you, that she could drive you wild, that you would choke on her flames. That she is too much for you to handle right now. Right now. But if you choose not to love her now, you can’t choose to love her later.”

(via laurenhooper)

If you choose not to love me now, you can’t choose to love me later.

(via 5000letters)

Cries for forever..

I met a nice young lady recently. She seems really sweet. The funny thing is, I don’t really know how to approach the situation. I don’t really know how to approach her. It’s been so long since I’ve actually met someone that I want to know more about. I’m scared. I dare say I have a crush on her. Should I tell her? Should I keep it a secret? I don’t really know what to do. This is one of those times where you really have to have patience. It’s tough I know. But let’s look at the bright side. Something special might come of it. You could say I’m… “Crushed Out.”

You see all of me used to love all of you. Now I just hate you. I hate you. I hate all of you. I hate what you’ve done to me. I hate what you’ve become. I hate that you walk around like your okay because your a self centered biotch that cares about no one else but yourself. I hate your face. I hate how your trying to lose weight now because all of a sudden you realized you were fat. But all my subtle hints to walking or hiking went ignored. I hope you end up with a fat guy. I hope you end up with someone so horrible that you cry yourself to sleep knowing what you could have had. I hope when your trying to sleep that the person next to you snores so loudly that you can’t sleep. I hope that you find someone as stupid as you. I hate you for all that you are. I hate all your curves and all your edges. I hate that stupid look on your face like you don’t know the words to say to ask how someone else is doing other then yourself. I hate you because the only person that matters to you is you. I hate how you will never care for anyone or fight for anyone. I hope you get treated like shit in your next relationship so you understand the pain and suffering you put me through for 6 years of my life. I hope you date someone as dumb as you are so you can see all the stupid questions you asked me and how it feels to be pestered with stupidity. I hate you. I hate you. Thanks, jack ass, for nothing. Thanks for ripping out my heart. Thanks for lying to my face. No wonder no one wants to be your friend. I hate you! All of you! I hate you.


Ladies, I want to apologize on behalf of the male race. An apology is something we should give you more. Why you might ask? Because us guys, we do some dumb shit. Seriously we do, and we break a woman’s heart faster than the speed of light. I know there are a few of you ladies out there with your hearts broken right now, and I am sorry. Trust me when I say that there is someone for everyone, and I truly believe that. Sometimes you have to pick out the bad candies before you find the good ones, but know that there are good ones out there.

Gentleman, honestly, let’s try not to damage our women so much. We beat them up mental, build them up, and then break them down again. For what purpose? Self satisfaction… we can’t continue to make it harder for the next man. If your leaving out of a relationship, leave out of it on good terms, or at least try to. I know it can be hard sometimes guys, I myself have been guilty of a few broken hearts. Does that mean I tried to break them on purpose? No, sometimes it just happens. Where all human and we all make mistakes, but it’s how we correct those mistakes or learn from them that make us who we are as people.

To the gentlemen that are trying to heal a broken heart, all I can say to you is, don’t give it. It may seem like their heart will never heal, and whatever you do is not helping, but trust me it is. And if nothing comes of it, believe in the fact that you showed one woman in the world that not all men are lost causes. We’ve lost to many men to the “dark-side” thanks to social media and immoral broadcast. It’s not to late for us to fix a broken heart, no matter how much it’s…. “Damaged”


pills…pills…pills red green blue yellow each pill deals with one symptom of this life. pain, greed, accidents, love, decisions,happiness one pill one purpose many side-effects warning label reads beware may cause, indecision, pain, regret, sacrifice, happiness, joy, struggle, triumph We are all given these pills It is up to us to choose which one’s we take, what symptoms to deal with and those to by-pass, to shape our journey on this Earth

(Source: luvnmuziq)


Who misses the sexiness of a woman? (Hand raised) Yeah I know I do. I miss the spontaneity of a woman. The sexy lingerie, the long trench coat with nothing on underneath. What about the french maid or the fire woman? The school teacher or the school girl? Glasses on or off? Oh yeah definitely missin’ those days when a woman could surprise me. I still think it could happen, just gotta use your “Imagination" ladies. Get creative. And it’s cool if your not. I’d be happy with somethin stolen out a movie, tv show, or magazine. I know you ladies got it. That thing that makes a guys eye brows rise. Makes him lick his lips, mouth hitting the floor. Yeah ya’ll got… I just miss it, that’s all.

Honeymoon Phase: Part II

Sometimes relationships hit bumps. They go up and down. Sometimes they go the wrong way only for them to make a u-turn and back to the good it was. Relationships can be easy but they can also be work. It all depends on the relationship and who is willing to put on the time. It also depends on if you want to put in the work. Does that special person deserve your work and effort.

People quickly forget that relationships go through stages. That initial honeymoon stage is so crucial. That is the time you put in work to set the ground work. If the relationship is based on sex or mutual convenience, those aren’t the right foundations for a relationship. If your relationship is based on communication, friendship, and to a point curiosity.

(Point of Curiosity in a relationship: Willing to always learn something new about your life partner. Willing to move and flow with your partners changes in life. Willing to discover new loves together, by which igniting the spark of your love into a blazing wildfire.)

Those are the correct foundations for a strong relationship. Sometimes you have to look past the honeymoon phase of a relationship and ask yourself if it’s worth your time. If it is then put in the work to get it back to “Honeymoon Avenue….”

Interesting choice of drugs….

Sometimes we don’t remember what that new love is. Maybe it’s just a crush is what we tell ourselves. But humans are hard wired to love. They say it takes 3 months to get over a crush. However I’m not here to talk about that. I’m here to talk about the feelings behind it. Let me tell you, it is a crazy sensation. When you have a “crush” on someone, your waiting by the phone to check your texts. Your waiting on that next phone call. Your waiting for them just to talk to you. When they don’t, you don’t feel like yourself. You feel a little empty inside.

What is a crush exactly thought? What can it be classified as? To this day they have yet to narrow down the chemical composition of love. They have yet to isolate the chemical reactions with-in the brain that create a “crush.” What they can do, is show you how your brain reacts. They can show you how something that’s not physical, can cause physical illness. How the fuck is that possible?

It’s easy. As humans we are hardwired not to live alone, to seek companionship. We search for it our entire life. Most people find someone they can share the rest of their lives. What it does is take away the emotional constraints tied to “puppy love” or “crush.” If you find something like that, hold on to it. That shit is addicting. It’s like a drug. It’s like… well… “Novacane”