This next track… well it describes the beginning of a beautiful relationship with 2 people that I have come to call friends. One I have come to call my own brother, and find sometimes, water can be as thick as blood. If it weren’t for these two people I wouldn’t have had some of the best times, and some of the worst times of my life. I owe them much of my sanity. But I take this time now to recognize and appreciate the love and respect they have for not only me but for each other. In closing I hope the one of these days one of you will utter the words… “Marry Me.” And the bond that you two have created can be cemented forever in time.
~Dedicated to Team J
I wished we lived in a world with no words & our lives & experiences were reflective of our actual actions & not what we say we going to do.
Ever found yourself Day Dreaming, drifting off into someplace else. When you should be focused on other things like driving or working or whatever. Your mind is somewhere else thinking about someone or something else. Mostly how you would react to hypothetical situations. Sitting around going through the normal routine of life but stopping to think were you’ll be at in 5 years. Who you’ll be with. What you’ll have? What life experiences you will have learned? What friends you will have gained, and lost? What family is doing? What family isn’t doing? And what family isn’t around anymore?
Daydreaming about her. Is she thinking about you in the recesses of her mind. Is she wondering if your thinking about her. But neither of you come out and say it. You both just assume that the longings there but what if it isn’t? What if you are and she’s not? What if she is and your not? You sit there anticipating her phone call dropping everything for one chance to talk to her. One chance to tell her how you feel, you don’t.
You don’t cause you don’t know how she’ll react. She doesn’t know how you’ll react. So you keep you feelings bottled up inside. So sure of yourself that you won’t say the wrong thing. And she plays off herself to get noticed, to get your attention. But who are you two really. What beauty lies below the skin. What magnificent persons are being trapped behind walls of anxiety and fear and commitment.
Then your light turns greens. And its time to go. The car behind you hooks, snapping you back into reality. And just as your daydream began, it ended. Have you ever found yourself day dreaming? No… “After tonight”…you will have.
Part II - The Definition of a Man:
What does it really take to be a man in this day and age? What has society deemed it necessary to be a man? Are you supposed to hold down the fort? Are you supposed to protect your woman? What is the true definition of a man?
My definition of a man has changed many times over the years. I would even go as far as to say that I’m not there yet. I’m not the man I wish other men could be. I am a lot further than most yes, but still not quite there yet.
-A man is many things, but he is always one thing for sure. He is always sure of himself.
- A man is secure in himself, and not affraid to show his emotions. He stands up for what he believes in, and he knows when to cry.
-A man is never poor. He may be broke, but he is never poor. For poor is a state of mind, and a poor state of mind is never conquered it is settled upon.
-A man will love, for no other reason than to love. And a man wants a woman that is okay with just his love, and nothing extra.
-A man will protect, his kids, his wife, his family (blood or water), his friends, and himself. Last of all himself.
These are just a few of my bullet points, but they sum up a lot and can tell you a lot about a man’s character. How he handles himself, how he controls his finances, how he treats his women. Of course I could make the list longer and go on for days about my definitions, but everyone has something that is different and everyone’s definition will be different. A man is a woman’s shield and sword, and I say that because let’s be honest, women run this world. Whether it’s from the forefront or from the background. Men are the shield and sword, and a man’s morals, values, beliefs, and background determine the dexterity and strength of the weapons he has given to his woman. Lastly a man must give his heart, because without heart, the sword will splinter, the shield will break, and the relationship will fail. In closing I will leave both ladies and gentlemen with this; cherish the man or woman in you life, because the unseen struggles they go through to make you happy are sometimes what relationships are all about. One final question. Who is your superman or your superwoman?
The Definition of A Woman: Part I
My definition of what a woman is truly comes from the women in my family and how I was raised. As a little girl being raised in a non fatherless environment, I had such a strong understanding of what and whom I wanted to be like. My mother and my grandmother, especially my grandmother, were the two examples of what I feel the definition of what a woman is. So what is it then? For me, It’s a woman who is independant and has her own voice and opinions, but isn’t afraid of criticism and to seek advice from others.
-A woman who can provide for her family, being able to work a professional job and still come home and spend quality time with her loved ones.
-A woman who is respects herself. Who isn’t jealous of the next woman, who may appear to have it better.
-A real SECURE woman would congratulate the next woman/man and say, “Job well done” if the situation called for it.
-A real woman doesn’t always have to be negative against men or other woman or anybody that has “wronged” them.
-A real woman isn’t afraid to say, “I’m Sorry”.
-A real woman isn’t afraid to admit when she’s wrong.
-A real woman isn’t afraid to love. To smile. To embrace a compliment and say, “thank you”.
-A real woman isn’t afraid to expect respect, but isn’t closed off to GIVING respect.
-A real woman can cry, and be emotional without being deemed as “weak”.
-A real woman can love like there’s no tomorrow, but has enough smarts to know when she’s being devalued.
-A real woman is educated, but doesn’t use her intellect to put others down. (Ex: I have my college degree and I shouldn’t be conversing with/or seeking the opinion of someone who only graduated from high school).
-A real woman is humbled.
-And lastly, a real woman who is comfortable in her own skin. Someone who can walk into a restaraunt, movie theater, etc. ALONE and does not care what anybody says or thinks.
-A woman who is comfortable with who they are. A woman who is flourished with inside beauty as well as outside beauty.
These are just a few of personal characteristics that I drew from how I see myself and how others have seen me. I’ve always been raised to treat others the way that I’ve wanted to be treated. That may sound cliche to some, but that’s what my great grandmother, my grandmother, and mother have always taught me…. I was raised in a very strict household, but I am now very thankful for that :)
Be on the look out for Part II: The Definition of A Man…. To Be Continued
A Broken Heart: Part I
A lot of people think they know me, and they think they know what I am about, but they have no idea the emotional struggles I go through on a day to day basis. It is hard sometimes, especially when you know you can’t just break down and cry. I think it’s even harder when you know you can’t just break down into someone’s arms. Love is a very emotional thing. It is powerful and it can fill a heart with joy, or it can cause unbelievable amounts of pain. A broken heart is hard to describe to someone if they have never had one. But I wouldn’t wish that on anyone because it is a pain like nothing you could imagine. Basically it boils down to a pain in your chest, but the kicker is, there is nothing physically wrong with you. Your breaths can get heavy, your eyes will water, you will lose interest in things that once filled your life with joy and again the kicker is, you just don’t know why. You know what is causing it, a broken heart. But there is no medical definition to go along with a broken heart. No elevated hormones and anything like that. Your heart is just broken and the only thing that can fix a broken heart is time.
Broken hearts can come from a lot of things. Marriages that dissolve, relationships that dissolve, family member deaths, close friend deaths, animals or pets dying. Those are just a few but broken hearts come from so many interesting points. Sometimes people have similar reasons for having a broken heart, sometimes their reasons are totally unique. My heart broke recent, and it wasn’t because my significant other did anything, but our paths in life weren’t crossing. They told me, they never wanted to see me or speak to me again. That’s a hard thing to wrap your mind around. But in closing I am going to say this, out of respect, I am respecting their wishes. Doesn’t change how I feel. I still have to live with the broken heart, and I know theirs is broken too because I live through my music and I search constantly for songs that relate to how I feel in life, I am trying to cope. That’s why I chose this song for today’s surprise post, it is a perfect representation of how I have been feeling. I’d say I wish them the best, but I can’t. I don’t want to; How can I? How could you? In your heart you want what’s best, but you want what’s best to be best with you, not with someone else. People say, “How you gonna act like that…” and I reply if you have a better answer or solution, please tell me. But silence is I get.
Goes out to all those that have to go back to school tomorrow. No, I don’t feel sorry for you. I envy you. I wish I was in your shoes. So when your sitting in class going “this teacher is so boring I wish I had a job!” think of me wanting to smack you for the hundreds that would live to switch places with you. This is gonna be my school anthem. Tired of daydreamin’ about it. Fuck let’s do it. Can’t go back in time to the place we was. But I can only just move forward, with myself, my life, and my dreams. Gotta catch up. No more standin’ around feeling like the world is passin’ you by. In 2011 we takin’ what we wasn’t given. And I’m takin’ an education!
Snippet from 365loveletters:
I hide my feelings behind a wall of sugar. A bubble gum personality, that when I’m in the zone, I just don’t give a fuck. Who cares, what people think about you, if your comfortable with yourself right. But I hide the pain behind eyes that tell lies, and books that read secrets. People ask me why I’m so quiet. It’s not that I’m quiet, I just turned my radio off. Blessed and cursed with observation, I survey my surroundings constantly, daily, thinking I’ll catch a glimpse of you. I stop when I think I smell your fragrance. Turn to see you cut down an aisle, but my eyes deceive me. I see the boots of life, walking, scuffing the floor around me, but your feet are not the feet in those boots. I hid my pain today behind eyes that tell lies, and a book that reads secrets.
This is a short snippet from the other blog that I have been working on it my spare time, what little I have of it. It’s still locked up, but I wanted to share a little with my followers and assure you… It’s coming along
Hello again. Been a long time, yes I know. I have been extremely busy; to the point where I have literally had no time between sleep and my next goal. Well, at least that’s what this past week was about, non-stop moving, and this is what leads me into today’s post.
Before I get started though I wanted to send a special shot out to all the students back in school. Hopefully we will start to see the tumblr population rise again. Also I have another blog in the pipe that I am really going to try and finish. I apologize to my followers I really have had no time to myself.
So let’s jump right into it then. As a fellow student of the recently renewed school year, I find myself at a lost for friends. It is interesting going from high school to college, but more interesting is the “soloship” most college students probably feel. Now I know you English hungry whores are probably going, “what the hell is a soloship?” I will explain. As I find myself pacing the hallways, leaving skid marks from the shoe tracks, onto my next class, I can’t help the feeling that everyone around me is concerned with themselves. It’s true that people are trapped in there own worlds, concerned with what assignment they have to turn in next. But I find that when I am in my grove. I never really stop to think who might help me. My soloship takes over and I overwhelmed in self-absorbtion.
I see the packs of people here and there, congregating to the days events, but what of those that move alone, what of those that seek companionship? Do you invite them into our groups? Do we do much more than make eye contact while passing through buildings. It seems we all are more concerned with the facts of ourselves then we are with others. No one’s story is written on their physical bodies, and you never know who you might meet. So next time your running off to your next class, take a minute to stop and say hello to a random stranger. You never know how it may change your life. Your destiny is still… “Unwritten”
And just cause I can!
In light of the recent re-release of “The Lion King” one of the greatest Disney movies ever. I thought I would re-blog one of my earlier post. Enjoy, and remember when life throws you lemons…”Hakuna Matata”